People aren’t born to be likable or unlikable; it’s not something that simply exists in our genes. Whether you are liked or not all depends on a set of actions and behaviors that you do (or don’t do), and how strictly you abide by these rules.
If you are trying to become a more likable person, it’s all about the way you act. Here are 10 things you will never see likable people do, which is exactly why you love them:
1) They Don’t Let Fear Dictate Their Paths
Fear is a universal constant. Each and every one of us experiences what might be or what might not be, what we can and cannot change, and how the world will see us after every choice we make.
Because of these fears, you may be tempted to wait it out; see if the decision will ever get easier, wait for the best moment, prepare a little more before making the jump.
And while you’re waiting, life is passing you by. Because the world doesn’t care whether you jump or not; time isn’t going to stop ticking.
Likable people know this truth. They know fear is all in the mind, and that their dreams and plans should be fought for consistently if they are ever to have any chance at success.
2) They Don’t Tell Others How to Live Their Lives
No one likes being told how to live their life. Successful people may fall into this trap where they think that everyone will want to hear what they have to say about everything, just because they are successful.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth. If your words sound more like preaching than teaching, no one will listen.
Likable people don’t speak; they listen. They understand that everyone can teach them something, including you.
3) They Don’t Complain
Problems are a part of life, but complaining is a choice. Complaining only makes things worse, dragging you down a path of negativity and regret.
Like any action, complaining takes energy. Instead of wasting energy complaining, likable people know that the only way to go when you hit rock bottom is up, and the only way to go back up is to fix your situation.
Stop wasting your breath about what went wrong or how things messed up. Start concentrating on improving. And when your friends are down, don’t go down with them—pull them back up.
4) They Don’t Hold On
The more fear you have, the tighter you hold on to your status quo. But holding on to your status quo means your world will never change or improve.
Likable people inspire us by letting go of their fear and insecurity, and instead trusting themselves enough to know that they can get something better. And even if you fail, the act of trying is better than never trying at all.
5) They Don’t Try to Control Everything Around Them
You may be the CEO, owner, and founder of the greatest company in the world, but at the end of the day the only thing that you have complete control over is you. Unlikable people try to impose themselves on others, and have made the decision that their concerns are greater than the concerns of those around them.
But control doesn’t last. You can’t force others under your control forever, which is why it’s a counterproductive solution.
Don’t control; instead, inspire people to move and work with you.
6) They Don’t Dwell on the Past
The past is the past. What has happened can’t be undone, no matter how much you mourn over your mistakes. The only thing you can do is learn, move on, and let go.
All you have to do is focus. When an embarrassing or humiliating situation happens, just take a deep breath, learn from it, and move on. Think of your past as a training session for your future. It doesn’t define who you are—it defines where you will go.
7) They Don’t Put Blame on Others
Others may make mistakes, but how much of the fault really falls on them? Is any of it on your shoulders?
Did you give your employees enough training? Did you overwhelm your friends with too much to do? Were your expectations higher than their capabilities?
Learn that a mistake is just a mistake and nothing else, and move on.
8) They Don’t Overcompensate to Impress
Some people may buy fancy cars and big houses as soon as they reach success, showing everyone just how much money they have in the bank. Sure, you may impress people with your things, but you won’t impress them with you.
Likable people create genuine relationships based on shared histories and fun memories, because these are the friendships that truly matter. Superficial ones built off the back off your latest sports car? The moment your car is gone, the friendship is gone, too.
9) They Don’t Interrupt Others
Listening is the best thing you can do for a person. Not only does it show that you are giving them the time and respect to hear their thoughts, but it also shows them that they matter to you and your input is important. And the more they respect you, the more this will count.
But when you interrupt them, all of this goes down the drain. It shows them that what they are saying doesn’t matter. It devalues them and makes them feel less of a person, and it makes it seem like you don’t care at all.
10) They Don’t Put Others Down
You may have more money, more education, more experience, and more accomplishments, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to put others down.
You are not a better person; you are just unique and different, and everyone else is equally unique.
Remember this: there is no better or worse when it comes to people. Just different. The moment you see shortcomings and flaws as differences that may add value to your own experience is the moment you’ll start seeing people for what they are—people.