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20 things men consider huge turn-offs during sex

If you think that a man will take any sex that he can get, you might be surprised to find that many men have a list of things they don’t like during sex.

So what are the turn-offs for guys?

Here are 20 things men consider a turn-off when they are in the sack.

1) She’s Not Sure What to Do

Our bodies were meant to go together so it’s hard to believe that a woman wouldn’t instinctively know what to do; but at the very least, a woman would pick up a few things from television, the movies, or the internet right? Wrong.

Some women just have no idea how to please a man and make the mistake of thinking it’s all about satisfaction, not the journey to satisfaction.

2) She’s There But Not Present

If she just spreads her legs and checks out, guys don’t like that. Would anyone like that? It’s pretty gross.

If she is just letting you go to town, it’s likely that this relationship is going nowhere.

3) She Morphs Into a Porn Star

Perhaps she goes in the opposite direction: she knows wayyyyy too much about sex and positions and fantasies.

If that makes you uncomfortable, you are not alone.

Most men like to talk the talk when it comes to having crazy, over-the-top sex, but the truth is that there is a limit for everyone.

4) She Isn’t Open to Experimenting

While sex is amazing, it can get boring if you don’t take the time to jazz things up once in a while.

Guys understand that some girls might need a little time to get used to the idea of experimenting or fantasies, but he doesn’t love waiting for her to get on board with it.

5) She Doesn’t Make Him Feel Like a Hero

When you’re in bed together, men want to feel like your hero. They want to protect you, hold you tight, and make you feel secure. In fact, men thrive off admiration in bed.

But if you’re not giving him admiration and respect, then he won’t feel like a hero.

In fact, if you’re looking down on him and expecting him to do better in the bedroom, then he’ll lose confidence and might even feel like a beta male.

I know it sounds a little silly, but when a man feels emotions that make him feel like a hero, it can lead to genuine love.

Why?

Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.

Men have a thirst for admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

And if he feels like he is your hero then he is madly in love you.

He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated.

And he might not express true love in the bedroom.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.

How?

You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.

The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.

The hero instinct is subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.

Top tip:

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct.

6) She Barks Commands at You

Guys might not always be able to find the G-spot or give a girl an orgasm, but they are trying their best down there.

Guys hate it when girls direct them like they have no idea what is going on or what they are doing.

7) She Doesn’t Get Into It

Sex is about so much more than intercourse. It’s about touch, sensation, anticipation, energy, sounds and more.

When girls aren’t feeling like it, or they have sex just to “get it over with”, guys hate that.

8) She Doesn’t Have Confidence in Herself

Girls who hide under the covers or insist on having sex with the lights off are no fun. Guys like to roll around and have fun, and when a girl is self-conscious, it can really ruin the mood.

And who doesn’t love a confident woman? There’s just something super special about a girl who is comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t want to hide her body from her lover.

9) She Doesn’t Do Much More Than the Basics

There are about as many sexual positions as you can imagine, so it’s no wonder guys get bored with girls who always want to be on top, or who always want to be on the bottom. You gotta live a little after all.

Guys hate it when the sex becomes predictable, and it really turns them off.

10) She Pretends to be Enjoying Herself

Probably one of the worst things a girl can do is pretend to have an orgasm. There’s just no need of it.

Guys want to please women, but there’s a consensus that it doesn’t happen every time.

The more people have sex together, the more likely they are to experience orgasm together. But she’s got to be into it and relaxed enough to make that happen.

11) She’s Too Afraid to Get Rough

There’s a time for love-making, and there’s a time for hardcore sex. When guys want the latter and girls don’t oblige, it can deflate the mood pretty quickly.

Girls shouldn’t be afraid to take the lead and get a little rough with a guy once in a while. In fact, when he has to do all the work, it’s a major turn-off and can ruin the mood for everyone.

There’s no shortage of ways to please a man or women, but when women aren’t having fun and enjoying themselves as much as men are, it leads to problems in the bedroom and beyond.

12) She’s playing Dead

Sure, guys like to be in control, but don’t make the mistake of thinking they want all the control.

And don’t allow yourself to be treated like a waste receptacle. Get in there and take some control over what is going on in bed and your guy will be glad you did.

Sometimes, women just plant themselves on the bed and let the guys do all the work. It’s a two-way street, ladies.

13) She Doesn’t Check Her Attitude

Guys love a strong woman, but if she comes to bed with a million little expectations and quirks, she is going to send the guy running for the hills.

There is enough pressure about having sex, especially the first few times, so leave the rulebook at the door and just try to have fun.

(Want to learn more about the male sexual psyche? Check out our The Language of Desire review here).

14) She Treats it Like a Toy

If she has penis envy, leave it at the door. Don’t try the guy’s piece like it’s part of the entertainment.

It’s not a toy so don’t treat it like one. When she takes her time and enjoys pleasuring the man, he’ll be more than happy to return the favor.

15) It’s All About Her

If there’s one sure fire way to ruin sex with your guy, it’s when the female makes the sex all about her.

Guys love to treat their ladies right, but they want to have some fun, too. If she takes it all for yourself, he’ll get tired of the “she shows” real fast.

16) Don’t Have Fun

If she doesn’t care about having an orgasm, he won’t care about giving her one, and then what’s the point of all this? Who’s having fun?

If she’s just going through the motions, it won’t be long before the guy gets tired of utilitarian sex.

17) Don’t Keep it Clean

Okay, we’re all adults here, so let’s just take a minute to remind you of the importance of keeping yourself clean.

You can snicker and laugh all you want, but guys aren’t turned on by odor. Do what you gotta do to keep yourself from smelling like a truck stop.

18) Say Things About his Penis

If you want to turn a guy off, definitely bring up the size, shape, color, hair distribution, smell, taste, or any other aspect of his penis that you can think of.

That is sure to shut down the party before it gets started.

Guys are incredibly sensitive about their members, so don’t make any comments that could leave him feeling like less than a man.

19) Look at Your Phone

Don’t be a distracted headcase during sex. Who even does this?

Apparently women must do it if guys need to complain about it. It’s the equivalent of your guy bringing a submarine sandwich to bed with the two of you.

This isn’t Springfield and your man is not Homer Simpson. If he can’t have a sandwich in bed, she can’t have her phone.

20) Don’t Please Him

So many women think that sex is all about them. Guys should be bending over backward, so to speak, to please their ladies. T

hat’s simply not true and women who still hold on to the “guys do everything” mentality is often going to bed alone.

Share the wealth and the pleasure and show the guy a good time or he’ll be looking for that submarine sandwich before you know it.

21) Cling to Him As If Her Life Depends on it

For every alpha female out there, there are two more women who are dying for a guy’s attention and are clinging to whatever kind of attention or love they can get.

Guys don’t like clingy girls. Don’t be a clingy girl or you’ll turn your guy off faster than a car that’s run out of gas.

Do guys think about the girl they like sexually?

You’ve probably asked yourself: Do men think of sex all the time? And in particular, do they think about sex with the woman they’re currently sexually attracted to?

Or do they think about it with many women?

Well, consider this:

Do people feel hungry all the time? You love coffee, but do you want to have coffee 24/7?

The answer is no. In the same vein, men don’t think of sex all the time. It’s impossible. They have other things on their mind.

However, men may be more easily aroused, according to Dr. Diana Fleischman, an evolutionary psychologist.

Why?

Because of evolution:

“If a man has sex with 100 women in a year, he might have 100 babies. If a woman has sex with 100 men in a year, she might have one baby and a very sore bottom.”

This is because of what is called the “obligate parental investment”: a man’s lowest investment for a child might be a few minutes’ work and sperm and a woman’s investment is nine months of pregnancy and a dangerous labour – and then after that, the child has to be raised somehow.

This is what causes men to be more motivated to have sex and women to be choosy about which partner to pick, according to Dr. Fleischman.

So, yes men think about sex more than women, but not all the time.

When will men think of sex?

When they’re triggered. If they see a woman they like sexually in a sexy dress, they’ll probably get aroused. And yes, it could be likely that men think of sex with many different women. However, the one they currently like sexually will be most often in their mind.

But when there are no environmental stimuli, and there’s no reason to think of sex, they won’t have sex on their mind.

What do guys think after they sleep with a woman? 

After you’ve had sex, the blood starts flowing back up to the guy’s brain, and it’s possible for him to have a coherent thought.

So, here are some things a guy might be thinking:

1) I just had sex. That’s great!

He might be thinking how awesome that was and how he wants to have it again. Over and over again!

2) Did she have an orgasm or was she faking it?

This is what some men may ask themselves.

Men feel proud when they make a woman cum. If they know they didn’t make the woman have an orgasm, they may feel a lack of self-worth.

He might be thinking that you won’t be interested in him if he wasn’t able to make you have an orgasm.

3) Is this a one-time thing?

Or are we going to keep doing this?

If he doesn’t seem like much of an emotional person, he might be thinking when you are going to leave or how is he going to leave.

If he seems like he genuinely likes you, then he’ll be thinking about how he can make this happen again.

4) Am I the best she has ever had?

Or did she not enjoy it? He’s probably hoping that he is the best you’ve ever had. If he isn’t good at what he does, he might be thinking: Was I horrible?

5) Should I get a pizza right now?

This one may be a weird thought to consider, but all that exercise can stir up quite the appetite. So, go ahead and get some food together!

6) I hope she’s on the pill.

If you didn’t use a condom, this is a natural thought that a guy might have. He might ask you, or he’ll just sit there silently hoping.

7) OOPS!

He has been hammered, and he’s thinking, what the hell did I just do? Or perhaps he has a girlfriend/wife and feels genuinely remorseful once the deed has been done.

8) I hope she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

Similarly, if he likes you, he might be hoping that you haven’t pulled one over him. This is only likely to happen if it was a quick meeting between the two of you.

9) I can’t wait to tell my friends.

Guys like to boast to their friends. It’s natural. He wants to share this incredible experience with his friends!

10) Did she like those moves I was pulling?

Maybe he was kissing your neck. Maybe he tried to rub your body in different ways. Whatever he did, he’s probably wondering whether you liked it or not.

11) Absolutely nothing.

Some guys can be a blank slate. Perhaps he enjoyed it and he’s just moved onto what is capturing his attention at the moment.

Why do some guys get weird after you sleep with them? 

There are many reasons a guy might get weird after you sleep with them. Here are some:

1) He has a girlfriend/wife that he didn’t tell you about

Obviously, you don’t want this to be the case, but it could be possible, especially if you haven’t spent much time with him.

He probably won’t admit it, so you might want to ask him directly. You’ll be able to tell from his reaction, even if he says he doesn’t.

2) He was disappointed in his performance

Guys hold a lot of weight on their performance in bed. It’s a masculine issue. So if he thought that you didn’t really enjoy it, then he’ll be questioning himself.

All you have to do is let him that it was okay and that you’re looking forward to doing it again. That will cheer him right up.

3) They’ve already achieved their goal

Guys think about sex a lot. It’s one of their main motivations. So, once the dirty deed is done, they’ve achieved their prize and they want to move on with their next prize. This is why you need to avoid the players!

4) He doesn’t feel sexual chemistry

An unfortunate one, but if he felt like there wasn’t much sexual connection between the two of you, he might be turned off.

5) He forgot to use a condom

It’s dangerous to not use a condom, but in the heat of the moment, it can happen. Perhaps he’s worried about getting you pregnant or contracting sexual diseases.

6) He has feelings for you

After sex, perhaps it’s dawned on him how much he likes you. It scares him a little bit because he’s afraid of commitment. This can be very common.

7) He thinks you want a relationship

He might be trying to avoid you now because he doesn’t want to let you down. He’s not ready for a relationship, and he knows you want one, so he’ll try to avoid you to not upset you.

Can a guy feel when a woman cums? 

It’s a fairly common myth that a guy can always tell whether a woman’s had an orgasm or not.

But in actuality, there’s no way to tell if a woman’s had an orgasm or not.

Women experience orgasms in different ways. It can feel like a whole-body experience that’s hard to describe.

A man may guess when you’ve had an orgasm. For example, if you’re screaming, “Yes! Yes! Keeping going!” They know they’re close to giving you an orgasm.

But really, the only way for a man to know is if they ask you.

It’s different for a man as it’s very obvious when he cums. A man also stops after he has cum, whereas a woman can keep going.

In general, communicating about sex is the only way he’ll know when you’ve had an orgasm.

The strangest thing men desire

Have you ever felt attracted to a guy without knowing why?

Maybe you’ve even had feelings for someone you’d rather not be attracted to. How can you fall in love even though your conscious mind resists it?

Experiences like these hint at the hidden world driving our feelings of romantic attraction. That hidden world is all about emotional reactions. Emotional reactions we don’t consciously control.

The truth is, falling in love is not something we choose to do. It’s more like getting thirsty. You don’t choose to get thirsty. You just notice it. And the stronger your thirst becomes, the harder it gets to ignore.

In my new article, I reveal a kind of relationship “thirst” all men experience. A kind of thirst that’s impossible to quench on his own.

You’ll also learn how to trigger this thirst and ultimately make him want to be in a committed relationship with you.

Although you may not realize this, men want to be in a deep romantic relationship as much as women do. We just need this very particular relationship desire met.

Check out my article here.

You may also like reading:

New Free eBook: Attraction Triggers

Want to learn how to make a man fall in love with you and commit over the long-haul?

Then check out our free eBook Attraction Triggers.

This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love.

Most importantly, it will teach you practical techniques to activate those triggers in your man so you can build a successful long-lasting relationship.

Check it out here.

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Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

I've always been passionate about eastern philosophy, ever since I became aware that western philosophy places too much emphasis on being positive and happy all the time. I prefer to keep things simple, and I hope you enjoy my writing on Hack Spirit.
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