10 things a manipulator will do when you finally stick up for yourself

Standing up to a manipulator can be a daunting task. These individuals thrive on controlling others through various tactics that can often be hidden or subtle.

But when you gather your courage and finally push back, their response can be quite telling.

In this article, we’ll delve into the 10 things a manipulator will do when you finally stick up for yourself. It’s about understanding their playbook so you can anticipate their moves and continue standing your ground.

It won’t be easy, but remember: You’re taking a stand for your own well-being, and that’s always worth it.

Let’s dive in.

1) They play the victim

One of the classic responses of a manipulator is to suddenly become the victim.

When you stand up for yourself, their power is threatened. And in an attempt to regain control, they may try to twist the situation to make it seem like they’re the ones being treated unfairly.

This tactic, also known as ‘playing the victim’, is designed to make you feel guilty or question your actions. It’s a psychological maneuver aimed at shifting the focus away from their manipulative behavior and onto your supposed ‘attack’.

Don’t fall for it. Remember, standing up for yourself is not an act of aggression; it’s an act of self-respect. You have a right to express your feelings and set boundaries without being made to feel guilty about it.

Maintain your stand and don’t let their victim act sway you. It’s just another manipulative tactic in their arsenal.

2) They try to make you doubt yourself

I remember clearly one instance when I finally confronted a manipulative colleague about his constant undermining.

Instead of acknowledging his behavior, he immediately turned it around on me. He claimed that I was overreacting and being overly sensitive. He suggested that I was imagining things, thereby putting doubts in my mind about myself and my perceptions.

This is a common tactic called ‘gaslighting’. It’s a form of psychological manipulation where they make you question your own sanity, memory and reality.

In retrospect, I realize his response was a classic deflection technique to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. But at the time, it nearly made me second-guess my decision to confront him.

Standing up to a manipulator often involves dealing with such attempts to make you doubt yourself. 

3) They resort to intimidation

Intimidation is another tool in the manipulator’s toolbox. When you stand up to them, they may threaten, yell, or use aggressive body language to make you back down.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, manipulators often resort to intimidation tactics when they feel their control slipping away. It’s an attempt to reassert dominance by making you feel small or scared.

But remember, no one has the right to intimidate or scare you into submission. It’s okay to walk away from such situations and seek support if needed. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.

4) They give you the silent treatment

After you’ve stood up to a manipulator, don’t be surprised if you’re met with a wall of silence. This is a common tactic used to punish you for challenging their control.

The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation where they withhold communication to make you feel guilty or anxious. It’s designed to make you crave their approval or attention, and ultimately give in to their demands.

However, it’s vital to remember that effective communication is the basis of any healthy relationship, be it personal or professional. If someone resorts to the silent treatment instead of addressing issues openly, it’s a clear red flag.

Don’t let the silent treatment manipulate your emotions. Instead, use this time to reinforce your boundaries and remind yourself of why you stood up in the first place.

5) They shift the blame

When you stand up to a manipulator, they often try to shift the blame onto you. They’ll avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead focus on what they consider to be your faults or mistakes.

This blame-shifting is a strategy to distract you from their manipulative behavior and make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong. It’s an attempt to make you feel guilty and divert your attention away from the real issue.

Don’t let them shift the focus. Stay firm in your stance, and remind yourself why you decided to stand up for yourself in the first place. You are not to blame for their manipulative behavior, no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise.

6) They may try to win you back

Sometimes, when you stand up to a manipulator, they might do an about-face and suddenly start treating you with kindness and affection. They may shower you with compliments, gifts, or promises to change. This is known as ‘love bombing’, and it’s another manipulative tactic.

It’s disarming and can make you question your decision to stand up for yourself. You might find yourself thinking, “Maybe they’re not so bad after all.” But remember, genuine change takes time and consistent effort. It’s not about grand gestures but about consistent respect and consideration.

While it’s natural to hope for the best in people, it’s also important to protect yourself emotionally. Be aware that this sudden shift in behavior might just be another tactical ploy to regain control. Trust your instincts and stay strong in your resolve.

7) They bring up your past

When I first stood up to a manipulative friend, she immediately brought up past instances where I had made mistakes or fallen short. She used these old wounds as a weapon to make me feel small and guilt-ridden.

This is a common strategy manipulators use to divert attention from their actions. By bringing up your past, they make you feel defensive and shift the focus away from their behavior.

But remember, everyone has a past and everyone makes mistakes. Don’t let them use yours against you. You’re not the same person you were, and your past does not define you. Stand your ground and don’t let them use your history to manipulate your present.

8) They agree with you

Believe it or not, one reaction you might get from a manipulator when you stand up for yourself is agreement. They may suddenly concede, admit their wrongdoings and promise to change.

While this might seem like a breakthrough, be cautious. Manipulators are masters of deception and this could be another ploy to lower your defenses. They know that by agreeing with you, they can temporarily calm the storm while planning their next move.

This isn’t to say people can’t change. However, actions speak louder than words. If their future behavior doesn’t align with their promises, it’s likely they were just telling you what you wanted to hear. Keep a vigilant eye on consistency between their words and actions.

9) They become overly apologetic

When you confront a manipulator, they might become excessively apologetic. They may beg for your forgiveness and promise to make things right, often using emotional language to provoke sympathy and guilt.

This is another tactic to regain control. By appearing remorseful, they hope to win you back and disarm your defenses.

However, it’s crucial to distinguish between genuine remorse and manipulation. A sincere apology is about acknowledging wrongdoing and making amends, not about evoking guilt or pity.

Be cautious of overly emotional apologies that focus more on their feelings rather than addressing the harm they’ve caused. Genuine change is a process that involves consistent action over time, not just words spoken in the heat of the moment.

10) They dismiss your feelings

One of the most telling reactions of a manipulator when you stand up for yourself is their dismissal of your feelings. They might belittle your concerns, argue that you’re overreacting, or reject your feelings as invalid.

This dismissal is a blatant disrespect of your emotional experience and a clear attempt to undermine your self-confidence. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you question the legitimacy of your feelings and reactions.

Remember, your feelings are valid. You have the right to express them and have them respected. Don’t let anyone, especially a manipulator, make you feel otherwise. Stand firm in your truth and remember that you deserve to be heard and respected.