Gone are the days of women being meek and mousy. These days, women are taking life in a different direction than their predecessors, and it’s making some men a little uncomfortable.
If you are on a mission to create the best life for yourself, then you might be surprised to find that not everyone will like that, especially men.
First off, what is an alpha female?
According to an academic paper at Walden University on the Leadership Influences of the Veteran Alpha Female Leader, an alpha female is:
“Alpha woman as a self-assured, goal-driven, competitive, high achiever who maintained egalitarian beliefs and did not perceive any distinction between herself and her male counterparts.”
Are men intimidated by alpha females?
Not necessarily. In fact, many say they are not.
However, it’s important to note that men do, in general, seem to be intimidated by female power in the workplace.
A study on the dynamic between male employees and their female bosses, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that in a lab setting at least, male subordinates felt threatened by their female superiors.
The lead researcher of the study, Ekaterina Netchaeva of Bocconi University in Milan, said that “because women are perceived to be less suitable for leadership positions than men…men might feel particularly inferior working in roles subordinate to women.”
So in this article, I’m going to speculate why some men might feel intimidated by alpha females. I’ll go through 17 traits I believe you have if you’re an alpha female and why that might make some men feel uncomfortable:
1) You Are Your Own Superhero
Just like the song, you are an independent woman. You can do everything for yourself, and wear a killer pair of jeans while you are at it.
Strong women don’t need a man to pick up the pieces of her life: she’s got that covered. Some men don’t know what to do with a woman who doesn’t actually need him.
“Those with an alpha female personality exude confidence, leading others to respect her as an equal.” – Veteran Alpha Female Leader
2) You Know What You Want in Life
Nothing is more intimidating to another human being than being in the presence of someone who knows what they want in life and isn’t afraid to go after it.
Having the guts to take risks to find success is very intimidating to people, especially men who are used to providing a life for women, and not the other way around.
Also, an alpha female also exerts power through conversations by taking charge, says Sonya Rhodes Ph.D.
“The Alpha is the one who exerts power and influence through her ability to take charge of the conversation.”
3) You Encourage Men to Be Their Best Selves
A strong woman gets the job done. They know that they aren’t perfect, and they are working on improving themselves and their own lives every day.
One underappreciated quality of a strong woman is that she also empowers her man to be the best version of himself too.
She understands that what matters most is NOT what a guy sees when he looks at her… But how he feels about himself when he’s around her.
And the one thing men crave more than anything else in a relationship is to see himself as a hero. Not an action hero like Thor, but a hero to you. As someone who provides you something no other man can.
He wants to be there for you, protect you, and to be appreciated for his efforts.
And a strong woman is confident enough in herself to actually let a guy step up to the plate for her. Because she knows that this gives men a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives.
There’s actually a biological basis to what I’m talking about here. Relationship expert James Bauer calls it the hero instinct.
He reveals the phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make your man feel more like a hero.
By triggering his hero instinct, you’ll unlock a version of himself that he needs to be in a deep and passionate relationship.
4) You Cherish Honesty and Vulnerability
As an alpha female, you know that it takes a real balance of being honest and letting yourself be vulnerable to the world to find success.
You have to be frank with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, and you have to be willing to confront those weaknesses. Strong women expect their men to be the same way.
5) You are Comfortable with Intimacy
Strong women aren’t intimidated by being intimate, both physically and mentally.
A confident woman is sexy in and out of the bedroom, and some men have a hard time being in a relationship with a woman who is so confident.
6) You Can Read People Well
Men don’t always realize that a strong woman is so strong because she knows herself inside and out. That kind of connection means she can spot the bullshit from a mile away.
When something or someone doesn’t feel right, it’s because she knows that they aren’t in line with her expectations in life and it doesn’t take her long to figure out someone is lying to her.
7) You Respect Others and Demand Respect Yourself
Resilient women not only respect themselves but demand respect from other people. They don’t do this by walking around with a chip on their shoulder though; in fact, just the opposite: they are living their life the way they want.
According to Gabriela Cora M.D., M.B.A. resilience is an intrinsic trait of an alpha female:
“Alpha females have intrinsic characteristics—aside from being competitive, controlling, and more aggressive, they are also born healthier, more energetic, and more resilient.”
8) You are Intense
Sometimes you are hot, and sometimes you are cold. You love hard, live hard, play hard, work hard. Everything you do is intense.
You are getting the most out of your life. And that’s not how all men want to spend their time, especially when you are in a fighting mood. It’s just too much for some men.
9) You Know Your Worth
You don’t need a man to tell you what your life is worth, and that is awesome. If you want a man in your life, you’ll need to find a strong man who knows your worth too, but it’s not on the top of your to-do list because you are out loving life.
According to Sonya Rhodes, Ph.D. in Psychology Today:
“Funny, strong, independent and comfortable in her own skin, the Alpha believes in herself.”
10) You Give Things Your All
Whether you are washing dishes or chairing a board meeting at your company, everything gets 100% of your attention.
That’s how you’ve made it this far and found so much success in your life. Strong women don’t back down from a challenge and are ready to take everything on with 100% of their being.
This type of intensity is why alpha females are perfect for pursuing a career in which they’re boss.
“These traits are excellent if you want to pursue a career in which you are the boss and master-of-the-universe.” – Gabriela Cora M.D., M.B.A. in Psychology Today
11) You Encourage Others to Be Their Best Selves
A strong woman can get the job done. They know that they aren’t perfect, and they are working on improving themselves and their own lives every day.
But if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with a strong woman, you’ll become your best self, because she is working on being her best self. She’ll expect that from you, and you’ll thank her for it in the end.
(If you want a loving, long lasting relationship, you need to understand the male psyche. Check out our Make Him Worship You review for inside tips on the male mind).
12) You Like to Be in Charge
For eons, men ran the show, and while women are quickly taking over major roles in society, business, education, and their own lives, some men just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that women are large and in charge these days.
For so long, it was the man’s place to be in charge of, well, nearly everything. Women raised the children, but men did everything else.
These days, women are not only raising children, but they are also doing it alone, and running successful companies, and still finding time to blow out their hair so they look good.
Men just can’t handle that.
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13) You Don’t “Need” a Man in Your Life
I believe that some men like the idea of being needed. It makes them feel stronger and more important.
As you have control of your life and are happy to be alone, men can find it intimidating when they’re simply not needed.
This need often comes from their own need to be with someone, but most won’t admit that. They like to pretend they are the independent ones.
14) You Have a Strong Personality
An alpha female has a strong personality and isn’t afraid to speak her mind.
So when you start standing up for yourself and challenging conventional wisdom, a man doesn’t know how to act.
After all, despite the leaps and bounds that women have made in society, there are still men out there who would have you believe that women are the weaker sex.
Of course, it’s simply not true, but the cliches do hold many women back from chasing their own dreams.
Men should be lifting women up instead of trying to beat them down.
Everyone benefits when we give women the space they need to become what they were meant to be. But some men don’t want any part of that.
(To learn more about becoming mentally tough and living your best life, check out Hack Spirit’s new eBook on the Art of Resilience here).
15) You’re a feminist
Some men think feminism is a sign that they are weaker. But there is room for everyone to be great on this planet.
It’s not a competition, and women know that, but men still feel intimidated by a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go against the grain to get it.
Some men would rather than women return to a place of submission and not stand out in the crowd.
16) You’re okay with being “the provider”
“Bringing home the bacon” is still a very real thing for men in today’s society, but with more women taking home the bacon on their own, the need for a man on their arm is becoming less and less important to alpha women.
What I believe might be scary for men is that they are quickly realizing that being a provider might be all they were traditionally good for, because if women are passing up men because they don’t need their financial support, what does that say about their personalities and the other qualities they bring to the table…not much.
You’re perfectly okay with looking after yourself, your family and your lover because you can handle any responsibility thrown onto your shoulders.
17) You’re okay with taking control
I think that an alpha female is perfectly okay with taking control and leading the charge. Whether it’s in the bedroom, at work, or with friends, an alpha female likes to be lead the way so that everyone can succeed.
However, many men are taught from a young age that they should be in control, so this is why your attitude can be intimidating for them.
What needs to change is that a man needs to wake up and ask if he really believes that he needs to be in control of everything. And until that happens, women are going to have to continue to put men in their place and do their own thing.
(To learn how to unleash your strength and beauty, check out Hack Spirit’s eBook on why men love strong women here).
The Bottom Line? An Alpha Female is as Strong as They Come
I believe that an alpha female is a strong character that knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go and get it. She likes to take control and lead the way so that everyone benefits.
Men can find this intimidating because society has taught them to take control and be the leader.
But what men need to realize is that it’s perfectly okay to take a back seat to a powerful, alpha female.
Women have a lot to offer in leadership positions, and in many cases, do an even better job than their male counterparts.
If you’re an alpha female, be proud! You’re leading the way for a more equal society that will benefit everyone in the long run.
Now if you’re an alpha female and you want to know if a man is intimated by you, check out the below 10 signs!
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Is He Intimidated by You? 11 Signs to Watch For
Thanks to the success of the above article, I’ve been asked countless questions on how to figure out if a guy is intimated by your strong personality traits.
I believe that I’m an alpha female, and sometimes, I’ve unintentionally rubbed some guys the wrong way.
So if you find yourself in the company of men who strike your fancy but locked-eyes and smiles never go anywhere, I believe that there’s a good chance he might be intimidated by you.
If you don’t consider yourself to be someone who is intimidation worthy, think again. My belief is that women are more powerful, independent, and accomplished than ever before.
So if you’re wondering if he’s avoiding you because he doesn’t like you or because he’s intimidated by you, check out my list of 10 signs to watch for.
Keep in mind that they may not all be correct. After all, it’s just my opinion from the experiences I’ve had in my life. But they will provide food for thought.
1) He’s not stepping up for you
Remember how I mentioned the hero instinct above.
It’s a new theory in psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. And it claims that men in particular have a biological drive to step up for the woman in his life and be her hero.
A man wants to see himself as a hero. As someone his partner genuinely wants and needs to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
I think a strong woman will recognize this basic biological drive in men and let him step up for her.
However, some men may be intimidated by a strong woman and simply not try to protect you and provide for you. He gives up without realizing strong women are okay letting men be men.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives. Especially strong women.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.
The simple truth is that a relationship is unlikely to survive unless this instinct is triggered in a man.
How do you do it?
You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to do it is to watch this free online video. James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.
Because when a man genuinely feels like a hero, he’ll be more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long term relationship.
2) He seems interested but never pulls the trigger.
You have no doubt in your mind that this guy is into you but he doesn’t make any moves. He says all the right things, smiles at you, leans in close but isn’t getting off his butt to say or do anything that confirms your suspicions.
I believe that he just can’t pull the trigger because he might be intimated by your strong personality. Maybe he’s used to the female playing a more passive role.
While frustrating, remember that you don’t have to wait around for him to make a move – something that might only further intimidate him.
3) He’s obviously nervous talking to you.
If he stumbles over his words and is saying weird things, there’s a good chance he’s into you but isn’t able to articulate it. You intimidate him. Don’t let it get you down.
Being a strong, independent woman is where it’s at these days and if he can’t handle you like this, he can’t handle being your partner.
4) He doesn’t seem to talk about himself much.
I’ve found that guys who are intimidated by women don’t like to talk about themselves.
Perhaps it’s because, compared to your accomplishments, he’s got nothing seems interesting enough to share.
There’s always one Alpha in the relationship and I think that the tides have been turning recently away from men to the women in relationships.
5) He tries to show off.
On the other side of that coin is a guy who has no idea what to do with you so he just shows off – peacocking – to get your attention.
Once reserved for party girls, this tactic is showing up more and more as men don’t know how to talk to or approach women who are beyond their reach.
6) He brags about himself.
If he’s feeling insecure around you, it’s likely that he’ll talk himself up and boast about things that otherwise would not be impressive. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s only natural to do this.
He’s trying to parlay that stature into his own life and like most things guys do when they are intimidated by a woman, it comes out all wrong.
7) Everything you say seems to insult him.
If he takes offense to your comments, feedback, or even compliments, there’s a good chance he is intimidated by you.
Whether romantic or professional, guys don’t always know how to take critique from a woman and it’s important to remember that you shouldn’t hold back just because he might take it the wrong way.
8) He just keeps smiling at you.
Come on, guy, make a move! While girls love to be smiled at, it’s much more enjoyable to actually talk to someone and get to know them.
If he’s just smiling at you and not doing anything about it, check over your shoulder to make sure he’s not smiling at someone else. And then move on.
9) Things get awkward.
He doesn’t know what to say or how to act and everything is coming out all wrong. He’s spilling food, picking on you, being defensive and more.
It’s not your job to wonder why he’s like that. You don’t really want to be with a guy who can’t tell you he likes you anyway.
10) He’s acting jealous of other guys.
If you’re friends and he’s around a lot and suddenly starts to act jealous of your new boyfriend, there’s a good chance he is intimidated by you.
Maybe not for romantic reasons, but perhaps because you are moving on with your life and he doesn’t want to lose you as a friend.
11) He can’t string a sentence together.
Getting tongue-tied is a very real thing for men who are intimidated by powerful women.
It’s about making the right impression and when the pressure is on, guys often drop the ball.
So whether you just met him or you’ve known him your entire life, when he starts tripping over his words, you can bet he’s noticed how amazing you really are and is finding it hard to compete.
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