10 signs you’re dealing with a fake “nice guy” narcissist

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You know that feeling when you meet someone who seems super nice, but then things start to feel a bit weird?

They’ve got that big friendly smile and all the right words, but something just doesn’t sit right?

Well, you might have stumbled upon a “nice guy” narcissist.

These folks are pros at acting like the perfect gentlemen, but underneath it all, they’re really just out for themselves.

It can be tricky to spot them, but I’m here to help.

Let’s dive into 10 signs that you’re dealing with a fake “nice guy” narcissist.

1. They’re Always the Hero of Their Stories

You know those folks who always seem to be the hero in every story they tell? Like how they saved the day at work, or how they helped an old lady cross the street?

Yeah, that’s a classic sign of a “nice guy” narcissist.

Sure, it’s great to do good deeds, but when someone is always the hero and never seems to have any flaws or make any mistakes, it’s time to raise an eyebrow.

Because let’s face it, we all have our off days — nobody’s perfect! But a “nice guy” narcissist wants you to believe they are.

They use these stories to manipulate your perception of them and ensure you see them in a positive light.

So when you’re listening to their tales, pay attention. If they’re always the knight in shining armor with no chinks in their armor, you might just be dealing with a narcissist.

2. They Seem Too Good to Be True

Ever met someone who seems like they’ve leaped right out of a fairy tale?

They’re polite, considerate, always saying and doing the right things – almost too perfect.

That’s another sign of a “nice guy” narcissist.

These guys often come across as the ultimate package. They’re charming, they’re attentive, and they seem to have everything together.

But remember, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

A “nice guy” narcissist often uses this charm and perfection as a way to draw you in.

But with time, you’ll start to see cracks in that perfect façade.

So if your gut is telling you that something is off about Mr. Perfect, it might be worth taking a closer look.

3. They Always Need to Be the Center of Attention

This one takes me back to a friend I once had named Jake. Jake was super charming and could light up a room with his charisma.

But I started to notice something – Jake always needed to be the center of attention.

If we were at a party, he’d somehow always steer the conversation back to him. If someone else was sharing an achievement or a funny story, Jake would quickly trump it with his own “bigger” and “better” story. He had this need to outshine everyone around him.

This is a classic sign of a “nice guy” narcissist. They often feel the need to be the star of the show, even at the expense of others.

If you know someone who can’t let others have their moment in the spotlight, you might be dealing with a narcissist.

4. They Rarely Show Genuine Empathy

Did you know that one of the hallmark traits of a narcissist is a lack of empathy?

Narcissists struggle to feel genuine empathy for others. This means they have trouble understanding or sharing the feelings of others, which is a key part of forming real, meaningful relationships.

“Nice guy” narcissists are no different.

They might act like they care about your feelings, but when push comes to shove, they often show that they’re really only concerned about themselves.

They struggle to show genuine empathy and understanding, which can make you feel like you’re not being heard or valued.

If someone in your life consistently fails to show real empathy for you and others, you might be dealing with a “nice guy” narcissist.

5. They Dismiss Your Feelings

Nothing is more heartbreaking than having your feelings dismissed or invalidated by someone you care about.

Unfortunately, this is a common tactic used by “nice guy” narcissists.

They may initially come off as supportive and understanding, but over time, you might notice they tend to dismiss your feelings, especially when those feelings don’t align with their own.

They might downplay your emotions, tell you that you’re overreacting, or even blame you for feeling the way you do.

This kind of emotional invalidation can take a serious toll on your self-esteem and mental health.

So if someone in your life consistently dismisses or minimizes how you feel, it’s a sign they may not be the “nice guy” they claim to be.

6. They’re Super Sensitive to Criticism

I remember this one time when I gently pointed out a mistake my friend, Mark, made while we were working on a project together.

Instead of acknowledging it and moving on, he got defensive and tried to shift the blame onto me.

This is another common trait of “nice guy” narcissists. They often can’t handle criticism, however constructive it may be.

Instead of using it as an opportunity for growth, they tend to see it as an attack on their character.

7. They Make You Feel Guilty for No Reason

Here’s the hard truth: “nice guy” narcissists are masters of manipulation.

And one of their favorite tools in their manipulation toolbox? Guilt.

They know exactly how to make you feel guilty for things you shouldn’t feel guilty about.

Like spending time with your friends, pursuing your hobbies, or even just taking some time for yourself.

They do this to keep you under their control, making you feel like you owe them something all the time.

It’s a messed-up game, and it can leave you feeling confused and questioning yourself.

So if someone is constantly making you feel guilty for no good reason, it’s a big red flag that you’re dealing with a “nice guy” narcissist.

8. They Have a Grandiose Sense of Self

Did you know that a grandiose sense of self is a defining characteristic of narcissistic personality disorder?

People with this disorder have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to others.

This trait is often seen in “nice guy” narcissists. They see themselves as extraordinary and believe they are deserving of special treatment.

They expect admiration and often believe they are better than others, even if their actions don’t support this belief.

So if you encounter someone who constantly acts like they’re superior to everyone else, it’s likely you’re dealing with a “nice guy” narcissist.

9. They’re Controlling

I once dated a guy who seemed super caring and considerate at first.

But as time went on, I realized this care and consideration was just a disguise for his controlling behavior.

He wanted to know where I was all the time, who I was with, and would even get upset when I made plans without him.

This is a typical sign of a “nice guy” narcissist. They often use their charm and ‘kindness’ to control you and the relationship.

Their need for control can range from subtle manipulations to outright demands, and it’s all about keeping you within their grasp.

10. They Never Apologize

“Nice guy” narcissists hardly ever say “I’m sorry.” And no, not because they’re perfect and never do anything wrong.

But because admitting they’re at fault shakes their grandiose self-image.

Apologizing means acknowledging they’ve made a mistake, and that’s something a narcissist finds hard to do.

Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they’ll twist the narrative, shift the blame, or make excuses – anything but admit their fault.

This can leave you feeling frustrated and unheard. 

Remember, recognizing these signs is the first step to dealing with and distancing yourself from “nice guy” narcissists.

Always trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. You deserve genuine respect and kindness, not manipulation disguised as niceness.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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