10 signs that someone close to you secretly dislikes you, according to psychology

I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words. But sometimes, the people around us say one thing and feel another.

It’s not always obvious when someone secretly dislikes you—especially if they’re good at hiding it. Instead of outright telling you, they might show it in subtle ways through their behavior, body language, or even the way they communicate.

There are certain signs that can reveal how someone truly feels about you, even if they never say it out loud.

Here are 10 subtle clues that someone close to you might secretly dislike you.

1) They give you backhanded compliments

Sometimes, dislike doesn’t come in the form of outright insults—it’s hidden behind compliments that don’t feel entirely genuine.

A backhanded compliment is when someone says something nice on the surface, but there’s a subtle dig underneath. For example, “Wow, you actually did a good job on this!” or “You’re so brave for wearing that outfit.” It’s praise wrapped in criticism.

Psychologist John Gottman says that “Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce.” Contempt isn’t just a problem in romantic relationships—it can show up in friendships and family dynamics too. Backhanded compliments are a subtle way someone expresses underlying resentment or superiority.

If you notice that someone close to you often gives you these kinds of remarks, it might be a sign that they don’t actually like you as much as they pretend to.

2) They never celebrate your successes

I’ll never forget the time I got a big promotion at work. I was excited to share the news with a close friend, expecting them to be happy for me. But instead of congratulating me, they just nodded and said, *“Must be nice.”* Then they quickly changed the subject.

At first, I brushed it off. But over time, I started noticing a pattern. Whenever something good happened in my life—whether it was a new opportunity, an achievement, or even just a small personal win—they would either downplay it, ignore it, or act annoyed.

According to psychologist Carl Rogers, “People only seriously consider change when they feel accepted for exactly who they are.”

True friends support and celebrate your growth, even when it means you’re moving forward in life.

If someone close to you consistently refuses to acknowledge your achievements, it may be a sign that they secretly resent you rather than truly care about you.

3) They only reach out when they need something

Let’s be real—friendship should never feel one-sided. But I’ve had people in my life who only seemed to remember I existed when they needed a favor.

They wouldn’t check in just to see how I was doing. No messages, no calls—until they needed help moving, advice on their latest relationship drama, or a reference for a job. And once they got what they wanted? Silence again.

When someone only treats you like a resource instead of a real friend, it’s not just complicated—it’s draining.

If someone close to you never makes an effort unless they need something, it’s time to ask yourself: do they actually value you, or just what you can do for them?

4) They constantly make you feel guilty

Have you ever had someone in your life who always made you feel like you were letting them down—no matter what you did? I’ve been there.

They act hurt when you can’t drop everything for them. They bring up past favors to make you feel indebted. And somehow, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, you find yourself apologizing.

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross once said, “Guilt is one of the most painful companions of death.”

And while she was referring to emotional manipulation, the same applies to toxic relationships. If someone close to you constantly plays the victim or makes you feel guilty just for setting boundaries, it’s a sign that their feelings toward you may not be as warm as they seem.

5) They’re too nice to you

It sounds strange, but sometimes the people who secretly dislike you aren’t cold or distant—they’re overly nice.

I once had a coworker who never disagreed with me, always smiled, and acted like everything I did was amazing. At first, I thought we got along great. But over time, I noticed something off. Their compliments felt insincere, they never opened up about themselves, and when I really needed support, they were nowhere to be found.

Psychologist Carl Jung famously said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Sometimes, when someone dislikes you but doesn’t want to show it, they overcompensate by being excessively agreeable. It’s a way to avoid conflict while keeping their true feelings hidden.

Genuine relationships include honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable. If someone is *too* nice but never truly connects with you, their kindness might be nothing more than a mask.

6) They don’t make eye contact with you

Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication. When someone truly respects and values you, they naturally look you in the eyes during conversations. But when someone secretly dislikes you, they often avoid eye contact—whether consciously or unconsciously.

Our eyes reveal what we really think and feel, even when we try to hide it.

If someone close to you frequently looks away, glances at their phone, or seems distracted when you’re talking, it could be a sign that they’re uncomfortable around you—or worse, that they don’t respect you enough to be fully present.

7) They exclude you from plans

I remember scrolling through social media and seeing a group of my friends hanging out—without me. No invite, no mention, just a post filled with inside jokes I wasn’t a part of. It stung.

At first, I told myself it was probably an accident. But then it kept happening. Plans were being made, and somehow, I was always the last to know—if I was told at all.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow, known for his hierarchy of needs explained that the need to belong and be accepted by others is a fundamental human motivation.

When someone intentionally excludes you from social gatherings or conversations, it’s often their way of signaling that they don’t see you as part of their inner circle.

If you constantly feel left out by someone close to you, it might not be a coincidence—it could be a sign they don’t value your presence as much as you thought.

8) They secretly enjoy your failures

Not everyone who smiles in your face is rooting for you. Some people may not openly wish you harm, but deep down, they take pleasure in watching you struggle.

I once confided in someone about a tough situation I was going through. Instead of offering support, they barely hid their smirk. It was subtle—just a quick flash of satisfaction before they masked it with fake concern. And that’s when it hit me: they weren’t really my friend. They were just waiting for me to fail.

Psychologist Sigmund Freud once wrote, “The unconscious of one human being can react upon that of another without passing through consciousness.”

In other words, people’s true feelings often slip out in ways they don’t even realize. A slight smile when you share bad news, a lack of sympathy when you’re struggling—these small reactions speak volumes.

If someone close to you seems a little too indifferent (or even pleased) when things go wrong for you, take it as a warning sign. Real friends want to see you win.

9) They agree with you too much

You’d think that someone who secretly dislikes you would argue with you or challenge your opinions. But sometimes, the opposite is true—they agree with everything you say.

I once had a friend who never voiced their own thoughts around me. Every opinion I shared, they nodded along. Every decision I made, they went with it. At first, I thought we just had a lot in common. But over time, I realized they weren’t being agreeable—they were avoiding authenticity.

Genuine relationships are built on honesty and real connection, not just surface-level harmony. When someone agrees with you “too much”, it can be a sign they don’t respect you enough to be real—or that they just don’t care enough to engage deeply.

If someone close to you never challenges you, never shares their own perspective, and always goes along with whatever you say, ask yourself: are they truly invested in this relationship, or are they just playing along?

10) They make jokes at your expense

I used to have a friend who would constantly joke about me in front of others. They’d laugh and say things like, *“Oh, you know how clumsy you are,”* or *“Of course you messed that up.”* Everyone else would chuckle, and I’d force a smile—even though it didn’t feel funny to me.

At first, I told myself I was being too sensitive. But then I realized something: their jokes always had a little sting to them. They weren’t just teasing me—they were putting me down while disguising it as humor.

Sometimes, humor is used as a weapon—a way for someone to express hidden resentment without taking responsibility for it.

If someone close to you constantly makes you the punchline and brushes it off with “I’m just kidding” when you call them out, pay attention. True friends don’t use jokes to tear you down—they lift you up.