10 remarkable strengths of people who stay kind even after being hurt (according to psychology)

There’s a profound difference between people who allow pain to turn them bitter and those who manage to retain their kindness even after being hurt.

It all boils down to resilience. Those who remain kind are not only resilient but also possess a unique set of psychological strengths.

Being kind after experiencing hurt isn’t about being naive or weak. It’s about possessing the ability to see beyond the hurt and choosing compassion over resentment.

Psychology sheds light on these exceptional strengths. Here are ten remarkable ones that stand out.

This is what you’ll find in this article: “10 remarkable strengths of people who stay kind even after being hurt (according to psychology)”.

1) Emotional resilience

Kind people who have been hurt and yet remain compassionate, display an impressive emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience, in essence, is the ability to recover from emotional pain or trauma. It’s about bouncing back and not allowing the hurt to harden your heart.

The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” This quote perfectly encapsulates the journey of emotional resilience.

People who stay kind after being hurt are able to process their pain, learn from it, and keep moving in the direction of kindness. They do not let their pain become their destination.

This remarkable strength allows them to not only survive but thrive even after experiencing hurt. Their ability to remain emotionally resilient is a testament to their strength and character.

In fact, their resilience often becomes an inspiration for others, a beacon of hope in a world that can sometimes be harsh and unkind.

2) Empathy

Another notable strength of those who stay kind after being hurt is their profound sense of empathy.

I remember a time when a dear friend betrayed my trust. I felt hurt, yet I found myself trying to understand why she acted the way she did. Instead of harboring resentment, I sought to empathize with her situation.

This ability to empathize, even when wounded, is a trait that psychologist Daniel Goleman believes is essential for emotional intelligence. He once said, “Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”

Empathy allows us to step into another person’s shoes, see the world from their perspective, and understand their actions. This understanding often leads to forgiveness and an ability to maintain kindness despite the hurt.

Having empathy doesn’t mean you condone the wrongs done to you. It simply means you choose to respond with understanding rather than anger. And that’s a strength not everyone possesses.

3) Self-awareness

Self-awareness is another powerful strength of those who remain kind after being hurt.

I’ve often found that it’s easy to blame others for the pain they cause us. But it’s far more difficult to look inward and acknowledge our part in the situation. It’s only when we’re brutally honest with ourselves that we can truly heal and continue to be kind.

Psychologist Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” This quote resonates deeply with me.

In my journey, I’ve realized that the hurt I felt was often a reflection of my own insecurities and fears. By acknowledging this, I was able to grow and remain kind even in the face of adversity.

This self-awareness leads to personal growth and emotional maturity, allowing us to navigate through life with kindness, regardless of the hurt we’ve experienced.

4) Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness is a remarkable strength found in those who remain kind after being hurt.

I remember an incident when I was wronged by someone close to me. It was hard, but I chose to forgive. Not for them, but for myself. Forgiving them freed me from the shackles of resentment and negativity.

Famed psychologist Martin Seligman once said, “Forgiveness is a balm for the wounds that injustice inflicts upon our psyche.” This quote speaks volumes about the healing power of forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the hurtful act. It’s about releasing the burden of bitterness and making space for compassion and kindness.

By forgiving, we not only heal ourselves but also maintain our inner kindness, proving that we won’t let hurt change the essence of who we are.

5) Vulnerability

Vulnerability, often perceived as a weakness, is ironically one of the greatest strengths of people who remain kind after being hurt.

There was a time when I used to hide my pain behind a facade of strength. It took me a while to realize that there’s an unparalleled strength in being open about our wounds.

Renowned psychologist Brené Brown said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” This quote beautifully sums up the power of vulnerability.

By embracing our vulnerability, we’re able to confront our feelings, heal from our wounds, and continue to exude kindness. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to acknowledge our hurt and still choose to be kind. This counterintuitive strength truly sets these individuals apart.

6) Optimism

A positive outlook or optimism is another distinct strength of those who remain kind even after being hurt.

Optimism isn’t about ignoring the negative, but about holding on to hope and expecting good things despite the setbacks.

Psychologist Martin Seligman, often called the father of positive psychology, once said, “Optimism is invaluable for the meaningful life. With a firm belief in a positive future, you can throw yourself into the service of that which is larger than you are.”

People who remain kind after being hurt embody this sentiment. They believe in the goodness of people and in a brighter future, despite their past experiences. Their optimism not only helps them heal but also inspires kindness in others.

7) Patience

Patience is an underappreciated strength, especially when it comes to remaining kind after being hurt.

I remember a time when I was hurt by someone I cared about deeply. It took me a while to heal, and I had to learn patience. Patience with myself, patience with the other person, and patience with the entire healing process.

Famous psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” This quote resonates with me, as it underscores the importance of patience in facilitating change and growth.

Those who stay kind after being hurt understand that healing takes time. They are patient with themselves and others, fostering an environment of kindness despite their experiences.

8) Courage

Courage is a fundamental strength of those who continue to be kind despite being hurt.

There was a time when I was deeply hurt and the pain felt unbearable. It took every bit of my courage to face my emotions and not let them turn into bitterness.

Psychologist Rollo May said, “Courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair.” I’ve found this quote deeply inspiring in my journey.

The courage to face pain, to forgive, and to be vulnerable requires immense inner strength. Those who remain kind after being hurt demonstrate this courage, proving that kindness is not a sign of weakness but a testament to their bravery.

9) Persistence

Interestingly, persistence is a key strength of those who continue to be kind after being hurt.

It might seem counterintuitive, but staying kind after being hurt requires a stubborn persistence. It’s about consistently choosing compassion over bitterness, even when it’s hard.

Psychologist Angela Duckworth, known for her work on “grit,” said, “Persistence isn’t very flashy. But it’s the very, very long road that you keep chugging along on that eventually gets you to the end.”

Those who remain kind after being hurt embody this spirit of persistence. They persistently choose kindness, despite their pain, proving that their kindness is not a fleeting trait but a deeply ingrained part of who they are.

10) Compassion

Compassion, unsurprisingly, is a key strength of those who remain kind after being hurt.

In my own experiences, I’ve found that it’s compassion that has often helped me remain kind in the face of pain. Compassion for others, and importantly, compassion for myself.

Psychologist Kristin Neff, known for her work on self-compassion, said, “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”

Those who stay kind after being hurt understand this deeply. Their compassion extends not only to others but also inward, allowing them to heal and continue to radiate kindness to the world.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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