How to date an intelligent woman: 9 important tips

A woman’s brain is one of the most attractive parts about her.

Do you agree?

When you meet an intelligent woman, you find yourself in awe, wonder, and you might even be a little bit intimidated.

That’s okay, I find myself intimidated by intelligent women quite often. But it’s not because I’m threatened by them. No, it’s because I look up to them so much that sometimes I find it difficult to work up the courage to be natural and confident around them.

When you idolize a smart woman to the point that it’s a struggle to talk to her, the idea of dating her might seem like the farthest thing possible.

But no matter how intelligent she is, she’s still just a person. With the confidence to just be genuine and be yourself, there’s nothing to fear.

My lack of confidence used to keep me from talking to intelligent women all the time. But there are some easy ways to gain the confidence and know-how you need to approach intelligent women.

In this article, I’ll run through 5 things to keep in mind beforehand, before you ask a smart girl out.

Then I want to talk a little bit about understanding what kind of intelligence is important to you.

After that, I’ll go through 4 important pointers to remember during the date.

Alright, so let’s begin.

Some things to remember beforehand

1) Develop your own intelligence

This point isn’t me trying to say that you aren’t smart. Not at all. But there’s also nothing wrong with self-improvement.

There’s nothing that says you can’t continue developing your own intelligence. What gets you excited the most?

Refine and focus your interests, learn more about them, study them deeper. Keep gaining facts and knowledge. If it’s a skill you have, keep improving it, working on it, and making it better.

Make your talents shine.

Don’t do it for somebody else, either. Do it for your personal satisfaction. Do it because you love it. Doing things you enjoy is good for your health and will bring you greater fulfillment.

It’s pretty safe to say that intelligent women aren’t constantly worrying about how to talk to smart guys, trying to figure out the best way to “crack the code” or something.

No, they’re just minding their business, doing what they love, and ever-developing their own intelligence.

So, why should you be any different? When you’re actively pursuing knowledge and intellect, you’ll naturally draw like-minded people to you.

2) Be good at conversation

No, not just good at conversations with pretty smart girls.

All conversation. Intellectual people love having engaging and meaningful conversations.

Do you? If you’re naturally introverted, the conversation can always be a bit intimidating or stressful, but that doesn’t have to be a huge roadblock. Introverts tend to like deep talk much more than small talk anyways.

Talking about your passions can be cathartic, encouraging, and beneficial. When you have deep conversations with people, it challenges you to articulate your thoughts precisely. More importantly, it challenges your viewpoints and opinions, forcing you to see things from a different perspective.

New perspectives are always good.

If you’re treating an intelligent woman as an individual first and foremost, you should be able to have a stimulating, deep conversation with her–the same as you would any other human. Regardless of how beautiful she is.

And being good at conversation just takes practice.

3) You can’t fake it

Pretending to be something you’re not is the number one fastest way to lose an intelligent woman’s attention.

Generally speaking, not being yourself is a bad idea. The way you present yourself to people of all genders should be honest and genuine.

If you’re trying to con your way into an intelligent woman’s heart, it’s not going to end very well. She’ll see through your ruse quickly. She won’t be able to respect you as an individual, in the same way lying to her shows that you don’t respect her, just the idea of her.

So if you think that you aren’t genuinely smart enough to date an intelligent woman, you could consider taking some classes. Or learning a new subject. The amount of instructional videos out there nowadays is staggering. You don’t have to go to college to gain college-level knowledge anymore.

4) Be flexible and savvy

Taking things in stride is a sign of someone who is confident and well versed in the ways of the world. It’s not often things go as planned, no matter how much we wish they would.

The ability to go with the flow is really important in life.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t be decisive and proactive. Nor is it saying to let go of the direction of your life entirely.

But part of life is rolling with the punches. Always landing on your feet is an admirable skill.

Being savvy about things is a great way to catch the eye of an intelligent woman. She’ll see your ability to stay calm and confident no matter what situation you end up in.

If you’re savvy and flexible, you’ll be able to shine best when you’re out of your comfort zone.

Besides, being outside your comfort zone is a sure-fire way to grow and develop.

To weather the tough storms of life, you have to be resilient. Being inflexible will only lead to breakage and difficulty.

Here’s a look at 15 secrets of mentally resilient people.

5) Learn new things

Intelligent people are hungry people. They’re always hungry to learn new things. No matter how much knowledge they already have, they’re eager to learn more.

It’s a defining characteristic of intellectual people. It’s something that doesn’t stop when you start dating an intelligent person, either.

No matter your relationship status, you should always be interested in learning new things.

When we learn new things, we grow as people.

So maybe join an online class, make a new resolution to try out a new skill. Learn how to do pottery or paint. Pick up a new instrument. Learn a new language, or delve into a new field of knowledge, like astrophysics or neuroscience.

There’s an unlimited ocean of knowledge out there, waiting for you to soak it up.

Being in those kinds of classes and connecting with resources for your learning will also introduce you to all kinds of new people. Including intelligent, single women looking to date.

In talking about new things to learn, the concept of intelligence comes into play. What exactly defines intelligence? Well, it means different things to different people.

So what kind of intelligence is important to you?

Some people value emotional intelligence above all else. For them, it’s highly important to be able to manage their own emotions, feelings, and be able to help other people with their emotions as well.

Other people value social intelligence. The ability to understand a crowd, talk to and connect with the right people. The intelligence to forge strong connections with influential and notable people.

For some, it’s the arts, or maybe mathematics. Astronomy is a field full of all kinds of knowledge and intelligence, beyond just memorizing planets.

So what kind of intelligence do you find the most important? What kind of intelligence do you find most attractive?

The term sapiosexual is used to describe someone who’s sexually attracted to highly intellectual people. Most people will find intuition, knowledge, and intelligence to be attractive qualities in a partner.

People who are sapiosexual, however, feel a bit more strongly about it; to them, it’s a driving force for attraction and even physical passion.

Does that seem like it might describe you? If so, finding someone who is similarly attracted to intelligence will benefit you well.

Understanding what specifically about a woman’s intelligence draws you to her is going to better equip you when you do cross paths with that really special person.

So. You’ve been focusing on your own knowledge, following intellectual pursuits wherever your mind leads, having in-depth conversations, and being as genuine and honest as possible.

In that journey, you may have already met a number of intelligent women that you find attractive. If not, you likely will soon. Keep making connections with people who share the intelligence you find important.

Once you do, you might still be nervous about how to date the girl you’ve been having some deep conversations with.

That’s where we get into part two: 4 things to keep in mind when you’re actually on a date with the woman you’re interested in.

For the date

1) Get creative

If she’s left you to decide where you’re going or what you’re doing for your first (or second) date, make sure to get creative.

The same, tired routine of going to grab a drink, then going back to your place, won’t work too well on most intelligent women.

It’s unimaginative and boring. And frankly, girls don’t usually enjoy it.

If you’re taking her for drinks, take her somewhere valuable, unique, or unexpected. Try to include different environments in the date.

There’s really an infinite number of things you could do on a date. The change in scenery and unexpected variables will challenge both of you, and stimulate even more engaging conversation.

Keep it casual, and keep it genuine. If there’s a lot of pressure to spend an entire evening together, it can stifle natural conversation.

Here are some ways to make a great impression on a first date.

2) Listen to her

You’re excited about something new you just learned. You’re really passionate about the field of study that you’ve been focusing on lately. That’s great. Just make sure you aren’t talking her ear off.

The whole point of connecting with intelligent people is to share knowledge and grow from it. If you never give her the space to express herself, she’ll quickly become disinterested and frustrated.

Even worse, if you fail to listen to her while she is talking, she’ll pick up on it really quickly and realize that you aren’t worth her time.

Who wants to talk about something they’re passionate about with someone who isn’t listening to them?

This ties back into having good conversation skills. She has a lot of interesting points of view and a fresh perspective that you will never have. Not completely.

So listen, and listen intently. Listen actively. Genuinely consider what she’s saying. You’re likely to learn a whole lot more from this conversation than you would in hours reading information online.

Here are some really great tips for those who have had difficulties communicating.

3) Ask her relevant questions

This ties into listening. When she says things that you don’t understand or shows herself to be more intelligent than you in some way (yes, it happens, and will happen), don’t pretend like you know.

She’ll see through that and realize that you are bluffing to hide the fact you don’t know something.

Instead, ask her questions about it. Be honest about what you don’t know. You’ll learn from it, and you’ll reveal to her that you aren’t afraid to not know something and that you want to learn.

Don’t be afraid to show curiosity in her interests. Ask her pointed questions to further the conversation and encourage her to dig deeper into what she finds interesting.

She’ll recognize your cognitive ability to understand what she’s passionate about.

4) Show her (and all women) intense respect

Women deserve respect. Men who don’t show women respect are tiny-minded, insecure, and emotionally unintelligent. Disrespect for women is one of the most insidious causes of violence against women.

And violence against women is hardly an issue to minimize.

As a man of intellect, you know this better than most. 1 in 3 women will have seen contact sexual violence in their lifetime. That’s truly unacceptable.

You’re probably not the kind of person to assault a woman, or anyone, for that matter. But it all starts with the way we think about women.

We should always think of women highly, with the utmost respect. Whether we just met them, or have known them for years. Whether we think they’re attractive, or not. Whether they’re interested in you, or if they rejected your sexual advances and humiliated you in front of your friends.

It doesn’t matter the circumstance, women deserve respect.

Avoiding rape and sexual assault starts with the way women are viewed in men’s minds. Mass media, societal norms, and the objectification of women in advertising have distorted that view.

As an intellectual man, you can understand this, research it intently, and do everything you can to show women the respect they deserve.

To wrap it up

Dating intelligent women can seem daunting even for the smartest of men. It’s not that you’re intimidated or threatened by them, but you’re enthralled.

You find their knowledge and confidence so endlessly captivating. And beautiful. So much so that you might find yourself shy and nervous to even say hi.

I used to be nervous around all girls, and especially really smart women. I still am, but it doesn’t hold me back.

That’s because I stick to the pointers in this article.

Develop your own intellectual interests, get involved in communities where you can meet like-minded friends. Endeavor to have real, deep conversations as often as you can. Don’t be afraid to expand your mind and keep learning new things.

And never forget to treat her like a human. She’s hardly different from you, remember. She deserves the consideration and respect that you yourself desire.

It’s about creating a real human connection. When you find that special woman with a strong intellect, that connection will shine more than anything else.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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