10 phrases master manipulators use to control their partner in a relationship

Manipulation, unfortunately, is more prevalent in relationships than we’d like to admit. It’s about getting someone to act in accordance with your desires, while masking your true motives.

As someone who has, sadly, been on the receiving end of manipulation, I’ve learned to spot the signs. And believe me, there are certain phrases that are often used by master manipulators.

In this article, I’ll be sharing 10 phrases master manipulators use to control their partner in a relationship. These are phrases you should be wary of, especially if they’re being used too often.

Let’s get started.

1) You’re overreacting

Manipulation often starts with subtle undermining of a person’s feelings or reactions.

Master manipulators are experts at dismissing their partner’s concerns or feelings. One of the common phrases they use is “You’re overreacting”.

This phrase is a classic manipulation tool. It’s designed to make the other person question their own judgement and emotions. Over time, this can lead to a loss of self-confidence, making it easier for the manipulator to control them.

The reality is, everyone has a right to their feelings and responses. Labeling them as an overreaction is a way of invalidating that person’s experience.

2) I never said that

This one hits close to home. I’ve been in a relationship where “I never said that” was a frequently used phrase.

Manipulators tend to twist or deny their words to create confusion or guilt. They make you question your memory and perception of events, a tactic known as gaslighting.

In my case, my partner would often make promises or commitments and later deny ever having said them. It was incredibly frustrating and left me constantly questioning my sanity.

A healthy relationship is built on trust, honesty, and open communication. If you find your partner often denying what they’ve said before, it could be a red flag that you’re being manipulated. Remember, it’s important to trust your memories and perceptions.

3) If you really loved me

Master manipulators often play with emotions to get what they want, using phrases like “If you really loved me”.

This phrase is designed to make the other person feel guilty or obligated to comply. It’s a psychological tactic called emotional blackmail, using a person’s feelings of love and commitment as leverage.

Interestingly, according to psychology experts, emotional blackmail is one of the most powerful forms of manipulation because it exploits the human need for connection and fear of rejection.

If your partner frequently uses this phrase or similar ones, be aware. It could be a sign they’re attempting to manipulate you. Love should never be used as a bargaining chip in a relationship.

4) It’s your fault

One of the most common phrases manipulators use to control their partners is “It’s your fault”.

This phrase is a part of the blame game that manipulators love to play. They will twist any situation or argument to make it seem like you are the one at fault, even if it clearly isn’t the case.

This tactic is used to make you feel guilty and deflect attention from their own actions or misconduct. Over time, this can lead to a decrease in self-esteem and an increase in self-doubt.

If you find yourself constantly blamed for things that are not your responsibility or beyond your control, take note. It’s crucial to remember that everyone is responsible for their own actions and feelings. You are not to blame for someone else’s behavior or choices.

5) You’re too sensitive

Another phrase manipulators often use is “You’re too sensitive”.

This is a classic tactic to undermine your confidence and make you question your perception of reality. By labeling you as overly sensitive, they dismiss your feelings and make it seem like your reactions are unjustified.

This can cause you to second-guess yourself and be less likely to confront them about their manipulative behavior. It’s a subtle way of shifting the blame from their actions onto your reactions.

If this phrase pops up regularly in your relationship, beware. Your emotions and feelings are valid, and you have every right to express them. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

6) No one else will love you like I do

A phrase that can be particularly heartbreaking to hear is “No one else will love you like I do”.

Manipulators use this phrase to instill fear and breed insecurity. The intention is to make you feel like you’re unworthy of love, and that they’re the only person who could ever care for you.

This is a cruel way of making someone feel dependent on the manipulator, trapping them in the relationship. It’s an attempt to isolate you from others and make you feel indebted to their ‘unique’ love.

If you ever hear this phrase, remember, it’s not true. Everyone deserves love and respect, and there are plenty of people out there who can offer genuine, healthy love. You are worthy and deserving of a loving relationship that uplifts you, not one that tears you down.

7) I did it for you

“I did it for you” is a phrase I’ve heard more times than I care to remember.

This phrase is often used by manipulators to justify their actions, even when those actions hurt you. By claiming they had your best interests at heart, they make it seem like you should be grateful, not upset.

In my experience, this phrase was used to excuse behavior that was clearly selfish or harmful. It created a constant state of confusion, making me feel guilty for being upset about things that were clearly not in my best interest.

Always remember, no one has the right to hurt you under the guise of caring for you. Your feelings are valid, and if something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts.

8) I’m only trying to help

On the surface, “I’m only trying to help” might seem like a caring statement. But in the hands of a manipulator, it becomes a tool of control.

Manipulators use this phrase as a defense mechanism when their actions are questioned or criticized. By framing their behavior as helpful, they can make you feel ungrateful and guilty for challenging them.

However, help that is imposed, rather than offered and accepted, can often feel more like control. So if you find yourself frequently on the receiving end of ‘help’ that doesn’t really feel helpful, it might be time to reassess the dynamics of your relationship. 

9) You always/You never

Phrases that start with “You always” or “You never” are classic manipulation tactics.

These absolute statements are often used to criticize or belittle the other person, making them feel defensive and guilty. Manipulators use these phrases to shift blame, avoid responsibility, and maintain control in the relationship.

For instance, if you hear statements like “You never listen to me” or “You always make things difficult”, it’s likely an attempt to manipulate you.

Such blanket statements are not only unfair but also destructive to a relationship. It’s important to recognize them for what they are and stand your ground. Everyone makes mistakes, but no one is always or never anything.

10) But I love you

Perhaps the most damaging phrase a manipulator uses is “But I love you”.

This phrase is often used as a trump card, thrown in after an argument or when they’ve done something hurtful. The intention is to make you forget the pain they’ve caused, by reminding you of their ‘love’.

The reality is, love isn’t supposed to hurt or control. It’s about respect, understanding, and mutual growth. If ‘love’ is being used as a tool to justify harmful behavior, it’s manipulation, not love.

The most important thing to remember is this: You deserve a relationship that is built on genuine love and respect, not manipulation.

Final thoughts: The power lies within you

Manipulative behavior is not about you, it’s about the other person’s need for control. It’s a reflection of their insecurities and fears, not your worth or capabilities.

A quote by Eleanor Roosevelt resonates deeply in this context: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. The power to resist manipulation lies within you. It begins with recognizing the signs and understanding your worth.

Whether it’s “You’re too sensitive” or “But I love you”, being aware of these manipulative phrases is the first step towards reclaiming control.

In the end, everyone deserves a relationship built on respect, honesty, and genuine love. If you find yourself in a manipulative relationship, remember that it’s okay to seek help and stand up for yourself.

Your feelings are valid. Your experiences are real. And you, undoubtedly, deserve better.