10 phrases highly manipulative people use to control conversations

There’s a thin line between persuasion and manipulation.

Manipulation is all about controlling others without revealing your true intentions. It’s a cunning way to get what you want, often leaving the other person feeling used.

Controlling conversations is a key strategy of manipulative people, and they often have a toolbox of phrases they use to achieve this.

Let’s get started. 

1) You always…

In the realm of manipulation, controlling the narrative is a key tactic.

Manipulative people are masters at twisting conversations to their advantage. They use certain phrases to make you question your reality and place the blame on you.

Enter the world of gaslighting.

Gaslighting, a term derived from the 1944 movie “Gaslight”, is a form of psychological manipulation where a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity.

One common phrase gaslighters use is “You always…”.

For instance, they might say, “You always overreact” or “You always make a big deal out of nothing”. This makes you question your reactions and feelings, allowing them to control the conversation and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

2) Trust me…

Manipulators have a knack for gaining your trust, only to use it against you.

One phrase they frequently use to do this is “Trust me…”. They use this phrase to make you feel safe and secure, while also subtly implying that questioning them would mean breaking that trust.

I remember an instance when I fell victim to this tactic. A former colleague, who was known for his manipulative behavior, was trying to convince me to support his project proposal. He said, “Trust me, I’ve done the research and this is the best way forward.”

His confident demeanor and the phrase “Trust me…” made me second-guess my initial reservations. I ended up supporting his proposal, only to find out later that he had misrepresented some crucial information.

From then on, I learned to be cautious of the phrase “Trust me…”. It’s not always a sign of manipulation, but it can be a red flag if used by someone with a history of manipulative behavior.

3) I’m only trying to help you…

Manipulative people often disguise their attempts to control as acts of concern or help.

The phrase “I’m only trying to help you…” is a perfect example. It’s a clever way to impose their will while making it seem like they’re doing you a favor.

This phrase is particularly effective because it exploits our natural tendency to reciprocate. Psychologically, we’re wired to return favors and feel indebted to those who help us.

In Dale Carnegie’s renowned book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, he states that one principle of winning people over is to make the other person feel indebted to you in some way. Manipulative people twist this principle, using the guise of help to control conversations and outcomes.

4) Maybe you misunderstood…

This is a common phrase manipulative people use to shift blame and cause confusion.

By suggesting that you misunderstood something, they’re subtly insinuating that the fault lies with you, not them. This can lead you to question your own understanding and perception, giving them the upper hand in the conversation.

In reality, misunderstandings do occur. However, when this phrase is frequently used by an individual, especially to justify their questionable actions or to avoid responsibility, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.

It’s important to trust your judgment and not let someone else’s interpretation of events override your own experience or understanding.

5) I don’t want to argue…

Manipulators are experts at avoiding conflict, but not for the reasons you might think.

They often use the phrase “I don’t want to argue…” to shut down conversations or to make it seem like they are the bigger person for wanting to avoid conflict.

But don’t be fooled. This is a clever way to dodge accountability and to avoid discussing issues that might expose their manipulation.

While it’s healthy to avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s also important to address issues head-on when they arise. If someone consistently uses this phrase to avoid meaningful conversations or discussions, it could be a sign of manipulative behavior.

6) You’re too sensitive…

This is a classic phrase manipulative people use to belittle your feelings and take control of the conversation.

By labeling you as “too sensitive”, they’re dismissing your emotions and experiences. It’s a powerful way to make you feel small and insignificant, leaving you more susceptible to their control.

I’ve seen how destructive this phrase can be, especially when it’s used repeatedly over time. It chips away at a person’s self-esteem, leading them to doubt their own feelings and even their worth.

Remember that your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise. In a healthy conversation or relationship, your emotions should be acknowledged and respected, not dismissed or belittled.

7) If you really cared about me…

This phrase is a manipulative tool often used to guilt-trip and control. It’s a way of questioning your commitment or care, usually to get you to do something they want.

I remember a time when a friend used this phrase on me. She wanted me to cover her shift at work, and when I hesitated due to my own commitments, she said, “If you really cared about me, you’d do this.” That statement made me feel guilty and obligated, even though I knew I had valid reasons for saying no.

It’s crucial to recognize that real care or commitment is not about blindly fulfilling someone’s wishes, especially at the expense of your own needs or well-being. If someone uses this phrase on you, it’s likely a manipulative tactic to control the conversation or situation.

8) I didn’t mean it that way…

This phrase might seem like a genuine apology at first glance, but manipulators often use it to dodge responsibility for their actions or words.

By saying “I didn’t mean it that way…”, they’re essentially shifting the blame onto you for misinterpreting their actions or words, rather than acknowledging the impact of what they did or said.

Interestingly, this tactic can make you feel guilty for being hurt or upset, even when you’re the one who was wronged. It’s a clever way of turning the tables and taking control of the conversation.

Always remember, intent does not diminish impact. Even if someone didn’t mean to hurt you, your feelings are still valid, and they should be acknowledged and addressed.

9) It’s for your own good…

This phrase is a classic manipulation tool. It’s used to justify actions or decisions that are not in your best interest, but serve the manipulator’s agenda instead.

By saying “It’s for your own good…”, they’re implying that they know better than you what’s best for you. This not only diminishes your ability to make decisions for yourself, but it also shifts the power dynamic in their favor.

In truth, you are the best judge of what’s good for you. If someone consistently uses this phrase to justify their actions or decisions, it’s a sign that they might be trying to control you or the conversation.

10) You’re overthinking this…

This final phrase is one of the most effective tools in a manipulator’s arsenal. It’s designed to make you question your own judgment and perceptions, thereby allowing them to take control.

When someone tells you “You’re overthinking this…”, they’re essentially dismissing your concerns or feelings. This can make you feel uncertain and more likely to rely on their judgment instead of your own.

The most important thing to remember is this: Your thoughts and feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. If someone consistently dismisses your concerns with this phrase, it’s a red flag that they may be trying to manipulate you. Trust your instincts and stand firm in your perceptions and decisions.