Tina Fey
There’s a fine line between influencing someone and outright manipulation.
Manipulation is a dark art. It’s about controlling another person’s choices and actions, while keeping your real motives concealed.
Master manipulators are adept at using subtle language to undermine others. They make you doubt yourself, all while maintaining an air of innocence.
In this article, I’m going to expose ten phrases that these puppet masters use to devalue you, so you can recognize them and protect yourself.
Let’s dive in.
1) “You’re too sensitive”
One of the most common tactics employed by master manipulators is gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes you question your own memories, perception, or sanity, creating a lot of self-doubt.
One of their favorite phrases is, “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is a classic manipulator’s tool because it invalidates your feelings and experiences. It makes you feel like you’re overreacting or that you’re not strong enough to handle the situation.
It’s a way for the manipulator to deflect blame and make you feel like the problem. Instead of addressing the issue, they’re subtly telling you that your reaction is the issue.
Being aware of this phrase can help you spot a manipulator in action. The next time someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, consider whether they’re attempting to belittle your feelings or avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
2) “I was only joking”
Master manipulators have a knack for hiding their hurtful comments behind a veil of humor.
“I was only joking” is a phrase I’ve encountered personally.
Once, I had a friend who would constantly make belittling comments about my career choices. Every time I confronted her, she would brush it off with, “I was only joking, you can’t take a joke?”
This phrase is an attempt to make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong for not finding their offensive or belittling comments funny. It’s a way to disguise their harmful intent and make you question your own sense of humor or even your perception of reality.
When someone uses this phrase frequently, it’s a red flag. A joke should make everyone laugh, not just the person telling it.
3) “I hate drama”
“I hate drama” is a common phrase manipulators use to mask their own involvement in creating conflict.
Ironically, research shows that people who often claim to dislike drama are usually the ones stirring it up. By proclaiming their aversion to it, they cleverly divert attention from their own actions and paint themselves as the innocent party.
This phrase is a manipulator’s way of playing the victim and making others feel guilty for supposedly creating drama. It’s a smart way to escape accountability for their actions. Be alert when you hear this phrase, it could be a sign of manipulation at play.
4) “No one else has a problem with this”
Master manipulators are experts at making you feel isolated and alone in your thoughts and feelings.
“No one else has a problem with this” is a phrase that achieves exactly that. It’s designed to make you feel like you’re the only one who thinks or feels a certain way, thereby invalidating your concerns.
By comparing you to ‘everyone else’, manipulators can make you question your own judgment and worth. It’s a subtle way of saying that your opinion or feelings are less valid or important than those of others.
5) “You’re just misunderstanding me”
Master manipulators often use the phrase “You’re just misunderstanding me” to shift the blame onto you when their actions or words are called into question.
This phrase is a manipulator’s way of avoiding responsibility for their harmful behavior. Instead of acknowledging their mistakes, they make you feel like you’re the one at fault for not understanding them correctly.
What’s more, it can make you question your own judgement and perception, causing you to doubt yourself.
When you hear this phrase, it’s important to trust your instincts and not let the manipulator’s words shake your confidence. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to stand by them.
6) “If you really cared about me, you would…”
The phrase “If you really cared about me, you would…” tugs at your heartstrings and uses your affection as a weapon against you.
Master manipulators know that we all want to prove our love and care for the people in our lives. They exploit this by setting up conditional scenarios where we must do something specific to prove our love or loyalty.
This phrase can make you feel guilty and question your own feelings towards the person. It’s a way for them to get you to do what they want by questioning your care for them.
But remember, your love and affection should never be used as a bargaining chip. You shouldn’t have to prove your care by meeting unreasonable demands or conditions. Love is not manipulative, and it’s okay to set boundaries.
7) “You’re overreacting”
This is a phrase that hit close to home for me. “You’re overreacting” was something I heard often when I voiced my concerns or feelings about certain situations.
Master manipulators use this phrase to belittle your feelings and make you second-guess your reactions. They want you to question whether your response to their actions is justified.
By telling you that you’re overreacting, they’re suggesting that your feelings are not valid or important. It’s a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto you instead.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, remember that your feelings are valid and it’s okay to express them. You don’t need anyone else’s validation for how you feel.
8) “I’m only telling you this for your own good”
The phrase “I’m only telling you this for your own good” might seem like concern, but it’s frequently used by master manipulators to justify their hurtful comments or actions.
Under the guise of offering advice or wanting the best for you, manipulators use this phrase to undermine your self-esteem and make their criticisms seem like they’re in your best interest.
They might even convince you that their harsh words are a form of tough love. But in reality, it’s just a way for them to control and belittle you while seeming caring and concerned.
Remember, constructive criticism is helpful, but it should never make you feel bad about yourself. And truly caring individuals will always respect your feelings.
9) “I don’t remember saying that”
Master manipulators often use the phrase “I don’t remember saying that” to deny their previous hurtful or inappropriate comments.
This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, where the manipulator attempts to distort your perception of reality to create doubt in your mind. They deny their actions to make you feel confused and unsure of your own memories.
It’s their way of avoiding accountability for their words and actions, while making you question your own reliability.
When you hear this phrase, trust your instincts and your memory. It’s crucial to stand up for your truth and not let a manipulator distort it.
10) “Trust me”
Perhaps one of the most dangerous phrases a master manipulator uses is “Trust me”.
While trust is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship, manipulators often use this phrase to convince you to overlook red flags and questionable behavior.
By saying “Trust me”, they’re asking you to ignore your doubts or concerns and just believe in their intentions or actions. It’s a way for them to gain power, control, and get away with things that you might otherwise question or challenge.
Trust is earned through consistent actions over time, not just words. It’s important to always listen to your intuition and not let anyone pressure you into blind trust.
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