I’ve spent years diving deep into psychology, self-improvement, and mindfulness. Whenever I share these insights—whether on Hack Spirit or in my small business circles—people always ask me about one topic first: how to be more likable.
So, here are 10 little tricks that’ll get people to warm to you quicker than you can say, “Let’s grab a coffee!”
1. Use Their Name with Genuine Warmth
Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, famously said, “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
Our brains light up when we hear our own name because it feels personal and valued.
I used to be terrible with names. But I made a point of repeating people’s names out loud when I first met them—whether at a business conference or a casual meet-up. Doing so not only helped me remember but also made them feel seen right away.
2. Mirror (Without Being Creepy)
Mirroring is basically reflecting someone’s body language, speech patterns, or even their energy level. Psychologist John Bargh discovered that subtle imitation can create feelings of comfort and connection.
If someone is calm and speaking quietly, slow down and lower your voice to match their energy. If they’re more animated, let yourself get a bit more expressive. Just keep it subtle—no need to mimic their every move like a mime in a park.
3. Ask for Help or Advice
Social psychologist Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another.”
People like you more when they’ve invested a bit of effort into you—it’s called the Benjamin Franklin Effect.
When I was setting up my first blog (way before Hack Spirit), I reached out to a seasoned blogger for some design tips. He ended up guiding me through the entire process—and we became great friends and collaborators.
4. Show Genuine Curiosity
We love feeling interesting, and we love those who find us interesting. Social psychologist Arthur Aron’s research shows that asking open-ended questions creates deeper connections.
In networking events, I steer away from the usual “So what do you do?” Instead, I might ask, “What’s the coolest project you’re working on right now?” or “What’s exciting you these days?” It cuts through small talk and sparks authentic conversations.
5. Compliment Them on Something Non-Physical
Instead of the usual, “Nice shoes!” or “Great tie!” go for something about their accomplishments or their personality. Compliments about their efforts, mindset, or creativity land much deeper.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on the growth mindset suggests that praising effort and process (rather than innate traits) can build trust and respect. People feel recognized for their hard work or unique qualities.
6. Share a Little Personal Stuff
Self-disclosure can boost closeness. In a famous study by psychologist Sidney Jourard, people reported feeling more connected to those who opened up about themselves.
I’m not saying overshare your entire life story within five minutes. But a light anecdote—like how I once accidentally joined a yoga class thinking it was a business seminar—shows your human side. A hint of vulnerability can make you much more relatable.
7. Nod and Maintain Comfortable Eye Contact
According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, non-verbal cues carry a lot of weight in communication. When you nod, you show you’re listening—and that makes people feel heard.
Pair nodding with genuine eye contact. Look at them (not in a creepy staring contest sort of way) but enough to let them know you’re engaged.
8. Use the “Two Yes, One No” Trick
This is my personal spin on positivity. In a conversation, for every critique or disagreement (“no”), I make it a point to provide at least two affirmations or agreements (“yeses”). This ensures the overall vibe stays supportive.
Psychology tells us that negative feedback sticks in the mind more than positive feedback—something called negativity bias. Balancing out your “no” with genuine “yes” moments keeps the conversation lighter and friendlier.
9. Reflect Their Feelings (Empathy in Action)
Carl Rogers, the father of client-centered therapy, believed the most healing thing is being heard and understood. A simple “I can see how that would be tough,” or “That sounds really exciting!” goes a long way.
Early in my career, I’d jump in with my own stories the moment someone finished talking. Now, I try to truly acknowledge what they said first. People instantly notice—and appreciate—when you reflect their emotions.
10. End on a Positive Note
“The Peak-End Rule”
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s Peak-End Rule says we remember experiences mostly by how they peak and how they end. That means your last impression matters a whole lot.
When saying goodbye, try summarizing something positive from the conversation: “It was awesome learning about your new app. I’ll definitely keep an eye out for the launch!” This leaves them with a final burst of positivity associated with you.
Parting Thoughts
These are quick and easy tricks, but they’re all rooted in solid psychology. At their core, each tip focuses on kindness, attention, and genuine human connection—because that’s what truly makes people like you.
If you can use even one of these strategies in your next conversation, you’ll notice the difference in how people respond to you. Trust me, as someone who’s tried and tested these over years of awkward meet-ups and coffee dates, it’s worth it.
So go ahead—start practicing. Who knows, maybe you’ll strike up a conversation today that turns into a lifelong friendship.
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