10 habits of someone who is deeply selfish, according to psychology

There’s a stark contrast between being simply self-focused and being deeply selfish.

The difference hinges on consideration. Being self-focused involves prioritizing your own needs, but not at others’ detriment. Deeply selfish people, however, often disregard others entirely.

According to psychology, this deep selfishness manifests in certain habits. And let’s face it, we all know someone who fits the bill.

Here are 10 habits that psychology suggests indicate deep selfishness.

Let’s dive in.

1) Me, myself, and I

In the realm of psychology, deeply selfish people have a habit of consistently putting their own needs and wants first.

The idea of self-preservation is nothing new. In fact, it’s a basic survival instinct. However, for deeply selfish individuals, this instinct is amplified to an extreme.

Imagine being caught in a conversation where the other person only talks about themselves and their experiences, with no regard for your thoughts or feelings. It’s draining, right?

This self-focused conversation style is a hallmark of deep selfishness. It’s not just about monopolizing the conversation; it’s about a lack of interest in others’ perspectives or experiences.

The key here is balance. A healthy dose of self-interest is normal. But when it becomes a constant pattern of disregarding others’ needs for the sake of one’s own, it crosses into deep selfishness.

Remember, being aware of these habits can help us detect such behavior and manage our interactions accordingly.

2) Lack of empathy

This one hits close to home for me. I remember a friend I had, let’s call him Jake.

Jake was charismatic and fun, but there was a pattern that began to emerge. Whenever I was going through a tough time and needed someone to talk to, Jake would always steer the conversation back to himself.

Once, when I lost my job and was feeling pretty low, I turned to Jake for support. Instead of offering words of comfort or just listening, he started talking about his own job and how amazing it was.

It struck me then that Jake lacked empathy, an essential quality that allows us to understand and share the feelings of others.

Deeply selfish people often struggle with empathy. Their world revolves around their own experiences, making it difficult for them to step into someone else’s shoes.

Empathy involves more than just listening; it’s about genuinely understanding and responding to others’ feelings and experiences. If someone consistently fails in this area, it could be a sign of deep selfishness. And that’s a red flag we all should be aware of.

3) Playing the victim

Psychology reveals another interesting habit of deeply selfish individuals: they often see themselves as the victim.

This isn’t merely about wallowing in self-pity. It’s an intricate strategy to manipulate others into giving them what they want. By using their perceived victimhood as leverage, they make it hard for others to deny their demands.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who chronically see themselves as victims tend to have a significantly higher likelihood of selfish behaviors.

It’s a cunning ploy. After all, who wants to kick someone when they’re already down? But it’s essential to distinguish between genuine hardship and a constant victim mentality. The latter is a classic habit of individuals who are deeply selfish, making it an important one to watch out for.

4) Inability to share

Sharing is a fundamental aspect of social interaction. From childhood, we’re taught the importance of sharing, whether it’s toys, food, or even our feelings.

But deeply selfish individuals often struggle with this concept. Their possessions, time, and even their thoughts are theirs alone.

They’re likely the person who never seems to pick up the tab at dinner, or the friend who always has an excuse not to help you move. It’s not about being stingy; it’s a lack of willingness to share.

This inability to share is not limited to material possessions. It can also stretch to emotional sharing, such as being unwilling to support friends during tough times.

Remember, it’s not about keeping score. But if someone consistently shows an unwillingness to share, it could be a sign of deep selfishness.

5) Frequent interrupting

We’ve all been guilty of interrupting someone mid-conversation at some point. But for deeply selfish individuals, this isn’t an occasional slip-up. It’s a habitual pattern.

They often interrupt others, eager to steer the conversation back to their favorite topic – themselves. This is more than just a lack of good manners; it reveals an underlying disregard for others’ opinions and experiences.

Interrupting others constantly communicates a clear message: “What I have to say is more important than what you’re saying.” This lack of respect for others’ voices is a key trait of deep selfishness.

So the next time you’re conversing with someone and they keep cutting you off, it might be more than just impatience. It could be a sign of deeper selfish tendencies.

6) Ignoring boundaries

We all have our boundaries – lines we draw to protect our emotional, mental, and physical space. These boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships.

However, deeply selfish individuals often disregard these boundaries. They might constantly push for more of your time, invade your personal space, or dismiss your feelings when you express discomfort.

This isn’t just about a lack of understanding. It’s about a lack of respect. Respecting someone’s boundaries means acknowledging their individuality and their right to personal space and comfort. When someone persistently ignores these boundaries, it’s a clear sign of deep selfishness.

It’s always heartbreaking when someone we care about disregards our boundaries. But it’s crucial to recognize this behavior for what it is – a habit of someone who is deeply selfish.

7) Unwillingness to apologize

I remember a time when I had a disagreement with a close friend. Tempers flared and harsh words were exchanged. Afterwards, I felt terrible and reached out to apologize. But my apology was met with silence. My friend refused to admit any wrongdoing, instead placing all the blame on me.

This unwillingness to apologize is a common trait among deeply selfish individuals. They struggle to admit their mistakes or take responsibility for their actions.

An apology requires humility and empathy – two qualities that selfish people often lack. They view an apology as a sign of weakness, rather than a step towards mending a relationship.

Being able to apologize sincerely is a sign of emotional maturity. A consistent refusal to do so can be an indication of deep-rooted selfishness.

8) Over-generosity

Now, this might seem surprising. After all, isn’t generosity the opposite of selfishness? Not always.

Deeply selfish individuals can sometimes be excessively generous. They seem to always pick up the tab, give extravagant gifts, or offer their help unasked. But this over-generosity often comes with strings attached.

It’s not about helping others out of the kindness of their hearts. It’s about maintaining control, gaining admiration, or creating a sense of obligation.

The key here is motive. Is the generosity freely given, without expectation of something in return? Or is it a tool used to manipulate and control others?

Over-generosity can be just as indicative of deep selfishness as stinginess. It’s a subtler sign, but one worth watching out for.

9) Blaming others

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of being human. But deeply selfish individuals have a hard time owning up to their mistakes. Instead, they tend to blame others.

This blame game isn’t just about dodging responsibility. It’s about preserving their self-image and avoiding feelings of inadequacy. They see admitting a mistake as a direct threat to their self-esteem, so they deflect blame onto others.

They’re the ones always pointing fingers, never looking inward. It’s always someone else’s fault, never theirs.

This constant blaming of others is a clear sign of deep selfishness. It reveals an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s actions and a lack of empathy towards others.

10) Neglecting relationships

At the heart of every relationship, whether it’s a friendship, a romantic partnership, or a family bond, is mutual care and respect. But for deeply selfish individuals, relationships often take a backseat to their own needs and desires.

They may neglect their relationships, failing to invest time and effort into nurturing them. They might be absent during critical moments or consistently fail to meet the emotional needs of their partners or friends.

This neglect isn’t necessarily intentional. It’s just that their focus is primarily on themselves, causing them to overlook the needs and feelings of others.

Neglecting relationships is perhaps one of the most damaging habits of deeply selfish individuals. It can lead to broken friendships, failed partnerships and strained family ties. And that’s why it’s the most important one to recognize and address.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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