If you clicked on an article about giving up sex for a year, that already indicates that you have identified a problem with the world of casual sex. Though no-one will insist that you too give up the occasional night between the sheets with a gorgeous sex-friend, if you choose to – what you’ll learn about yourself and the world of dating may just surprise you.
Cosmopolitan guru Bruna, decided to remain abstinent for a year and though she found the whole experience frustrating (and not just for the reasons you would assume), she also found the experience enlightening and claims she is forever changed.
But why would someone suddenly decide to give up sex? Let’s dive right in and find out why.
Self-imposed sex ban
Bruna got a serious case of the ‘oh my god I’ve found the man of my dreams and let’s put together a Pinterst board of wedding dresses’ when she started chatting to a handsome gentleman she met on Instagram. He was good looking, he was funny, they had loads in common and then, BOOM. He said that he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and didn’t want anything serious.
Pretending she was fine with the situation, Bruna engaged in a friends with benefits situation where they enjoyed casual sex with each other – whilst under no pretence that they were a couple. But after realising that she wanted more from him than he was willing to offer, she withdrew from the situation and insisted that they could only remain in contact as friends.
Whilst playing over the past in her mind, Bruna realised that type of situation kept repeating itself for her and it resulted in her consistently doing things that didn’t align with her wants or beliefs. She said:
“Our generation tends to look at sex as a means-to-an-end instead of a privilege, I was somehow made to believe that having sex was necessary to make a guy like me — and if I didn’t do it, then poof, he was going to disappear and it’d be my fault.”
Bruna didn’t have a time frame in mind, but she made the decision there and then to stop having casual sex. Determined, she told herself and others that she wouldn’t have sex again until the man before her made her feel like ‘a goddess.’
Twelve months sex free
The first few months of abstinence were liberating for Bruna, she felt like she slowly reclaimed some of the power she had lost when she behaved in a way that she didn’t truly believe in. However before long, certain challenges started presenting themselves.
The little horny devil (pun intended) on her shoulder started whispering raunchy nothings in her ear and making her doubt her plan to wait for Mr Right, instead of jumping between the sheets with Mr Right Now.
Her coupled up friends who lived vicariously through her single shenanigans with hunky bed buddies started to tell her that she was overthinking the meaning behind sex.
Consistently the men she met made it clear that they were ready for a good time, but only when they felt like it. These ‘sometimes’ guys annoyed Bruna the most over this long stroll down sexless avenue.
What twelve months sex free taught Bruna
Though it would be lovely to report that as the one year sex-free anniversary approached Bruna met the man of her dreams and the dry spell became a monsoon, in reality the men she met didn’t meet the mark. However Bruna is still abstinent and happy with the decision to stop having causal sex. She said:
“I did this experiment to help trash the mentality of having to throw sex at a man to keep his interest, and to remind myself that I am worth loving without having to spread my legs first.”
Bruna will remain with her chastity belt firmly locked until she finds a man looking for less of a ‘sometime’ girl and more of an ‘always’ woman.
What do you think of Brunas’ quest, would you go sex free for twelve months in order to find Mr/Mrs right?